IC Contact Post

[rattenfaenger]

You've reached the inbox of Hartley Rathaway.
If I don't pick up, I probably don't care.

Just text me, what century do you think it is?

Comments

[singaway]

There are rats everywhere! What even happened?

I let you crash in my apartment ONCE and this happens???

[rattenfaenger]

Relax, David. I know that's hard for you.

Just ask them to leave?

[singaway]

They're rats!

They don't leave, get them the hell out of my house!

[rattenfaenger]

Did you ask them nicely? They are usually quite understanding whenever I need privacy.

[singaway]

I'm not asking rats nicely! They're fucking rats, Hartley! How are you not grasping this?

Get them out.

[rattenfaenger]

And I would be getting them out by asking nicely. You're almost making it sound as if you ever ask anyone else anything nicely.

What's the problem anyway?

[singaway]

I'm not talking to rats. I told them to get out and if you don't get your ass here and sort this out, I'm going to use force. I swear to God.

There are dirty rats in my house, in my kitchen and chewing on my fucking documents.

[rattenfaenger]

They are not dirty.

Also, you're not supposed to take your documents home, don't they teach that at detective 101 nowadays?

[singaway]

They are dirty.

I work from home and you know it, don't start with that again. One of them is making bedding out of my performance reviews.

[rattenfaenger]

You work too much as it is. Does the word 'workaholic' mean anything to you?

Because it's an ugly word and men like you are why we have it.

[singaway]

It sounds like someone who gets his job done and doesn't get pestered by his boyfriends insane rat army.

Sort this out.

[rattenfaenger]

You called me your boyfriend!

:D

[singaway]

Hartley, priorities.

Rats. In my house. Get rid of them.

[rattenfaenger]

My priority is you calling me your boyfriend.

We can pick out patterns tomorrow.

I'm kidding.

[singaway]

I will get you a fucking greeting card with the word boyfriend on for you to frame and keep forever if you just come over anD TAKE CARE OF THE RATS.

[rattenfaenger]

Put your phone on speaker, lover.

[singaway]

NO.

Just sort this out. Why aren't you sorting it out? I'm losing my morning to this. Don't make me hurt the rats.

[rattenfaenger]

Put the phone on speaker so I can sort it out, you very slow-thinking genius.

Pied PIPER.

[singaway]

Doing it now.

[rattenfaenger]

There, rats gone.

Still your boyfriend?

[singaway]

Yes. Thank you.

I appreciate it.

[rattenfaenger]

You should get something to eat, darling.

Are you staying in tonight?

[singaway]

Not hungry. I have reports I want to finish.

Yes. Unless someone decided to rob a bank or kill someone.

[rattenfaenger]

You can do that after, during and before eating.

I might decide to break into some lonely man's apartment, how does that rate?

[singaway]

I can't eat and work. I'll do it after.

Pretty sure that's illegal, you should use the front door. If the lonely man will let you in.